Number Two

One of the best parts of my school is its huge windows. It allows for lots of natural sunlight and fresh air.

Yesterday morning, we came in to our classroom to find our beautiful window splattered with dozens of bird droppings. Even worse, the droppings were a mixture of very dark brown and almost black.

Andrew blurted out, "Miss H., what them birds been eatin? You ain't be poopin like that 'less you been eatin funny!"

The Goods

Deryl is an odd bird. He is just one of those weird, funny kids who will grow into a weird, funny adult. He is always sneaking in toys, making odd noises, and being disorganized.

As a result of his disorganization, he rarely has his homework or brings back signed papers. With a very exciting field trip approaching, I kept reminding him to bring in his signed permission slip and two dollars. I thought this was a lost cause.

This morning, he walked in the door with the hood from his jacket pulled up around his face. He was carrying a silver briefcase and nothing else.

He looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "I've got the goods."

Going to his desk, he threw the briefcase on the table, popped open the lock, and presented me with a signed permission slip and two crisp one dollar bills.

Oh, the future of America.

You's a....

Please remember, I teach in a high poverty school. As a generalization, with poverty comes a certain culture. My dear sweet Karla reminded me of that culture and its often inappropriate language.

She was telling me a story about going to the skating rink last week. As she was telling me about the scantily clad girls, she said, "Miss H, it was like Santa Claus had been there. Ya know, there was a ho ho ho."

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is one of the many pros of being an elementary school teacher. There is red and pink construction paper valentines, class parties, and most importantly, lots of candy. It is also a prime opportunity to get a look at the ten year old's perspective on love.

This Valentine's Day, a very country boy in my class, Bobby, was asking me about my Valentine plans with my fiance. I informed him that my fiance would be taking me out to eat to celebrate.

He responded, "Ooooooh, Miss H! I bet he is taking you to a buffet. A buffet means you really love someone."

Literally Poetic

Yesterday in class, we were enjoying the poetic works of Shel Silverstein, one of my absolute favorite authors. After reading the poem, I had all of the students use their fingers to point to the word "charming" in the last stanza.

"Kevin, can you tell me what 'charming' means?"

Kevin looked at me with a look of complete despair. It was obvious that he did not know the answer, but I thought he might be able to make a guess.

"Kevin, it's okay for you to guess. Just take a stab at it."

Taking the pencil in his right hand, he swiftly brought it down and pierced a hole in his paper.

I guess my next lesson will have to be about idioms.

Working Man

Often, my students like to ask a million questions about my personal life. I think they are just amazed that I am a real person, that I actually go places outside the school building.

Today, they have been peppering me with questions about my fiance. Ricardo kept asking questions about his job. My fiance works in financial services, and does work like bookkeeping and accounting. I explained to Ricardo that he goes to various businesses, counts their profits or income, goes to the bank, and then also pays the employees.

Ricardo responded, "So, he goes places, takes their money, and gives it back to them?"

Yup, basically.

Lost in Translation

A small group of students and I were talking about different pronunciations of words. For example, you say potato, I say potoato. You get the picture.

I brought up how my fiance and I had had a disagreement about the pronunciation of the word "coupon". I told my student Ricardo, a precious Mexican boy, that my fiance says "Q-pon" and I say "coooo-pon". I asked Ricardo, "Who is right? How do you say it?"

Without hesitation, he replied, "Los cupones."

Young Love

This post is from a friend of mine who is currently substitute teaching. He was teaching a second grade class, and on his lunch break, shared lunch with another substitute teacher who was a friend of his.

After lunch, Ty, a young chubby black boy in his second grade class asked my friend, "Mr. M., Is Miss G your girlfriend?"

"No man, she's not."

"Alright, well if you don't want her, can I have her? She is fine!"