Number Two

One of the best parts of my school is its huge windows. It allows for lots of natural sunlight and fresh air.

Yesterday morning, we came in to our classroom to find our beautiful window splattered with dozens of bird droppings. Even worse, the droppings were a mixture of very dark brown and almost black.

Andrew blurted out, "Miss H., what them birds been eatin? You ain't be poopin like that 'less you been eatin funny!"

The Goods

Deryl is an odd bird. He is just one of those weird, funny kids who will grow into a weird, funny adult. He is always sneaking in toys, making odd noises, and being disorganized.

As a result of his disorganization, he rarely has his homework or brings back signed papers. With a very exciting field trip approaching, I kept reminding him to bring in his signed permission slip and two dollars. I thought this was a lost cause.

This morning, he walked in the door with the hood from his jacket pulled up around his face. He was carrying a silver briefcase and nothing else.

He looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "I've got the goods."

Going to his desk, he threw the briefcase on the table, popped open the lock, and presented me with a signed permission slip and two crisp one dollar bills.

Oh, the future of America.

You's a....

Please remember, I teach in a high poverty school. As a generalization, with poverty comes a certain culture. My dear sweet Karla reminded me of that culture and its often inappropriate language.

She was telling me a story about going to the skating rink last week. As she was telling me about the scantily clad girls, she said, "Miss H, it was like Santa Claus had been there. Ya know, there was a ho ho ho."

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is one of the many pros of being an elementary school teacher. There is red and pink construction paper valentines, class parties, and most importantly, lots of candy. It is also a prime opportunity to get a look at the ten year old's perspective on love.

This Valentine's Day, a very country boy in my class, Bobby, was asking me about my Valentine plans with my fiance. I informed him that my fiance would be taking me out to eat to celebrate.

He responded, "Ooooooh, Miss H! I bet he is taking you to a buffet. A buffet means you really love someone."

Literally Poetic

Yesterday in class, we were enjoying the poetic works of Shel Silverstein, one of my absolute favorite authors. After reading the poem, I had all of the students use their fingers to point to the word "charming" in the last stanza.

"Kevin, can you tell me what 'charming' means?"

Kevin looked at me with a look of complete despair. It was obvious that he did not know the answer, but I thought he might be able to make a guess.

"Kevin, it's okay for you to guess. Just take a stab at it."

Taking the pencil in his right hand, he swiftly brought it down and pierced a hole in his paper.

I guess my next lesson will have to be about idioms.

Working Man

Often, my students like to ask a million questions about my personal life. I think they are just amazed that I am a real person, that I actually go places outside the school building.

Today, they have been peppering me with questions about my fiance. Ricardo kept asking questions about his job. My fiance works in financial services, and does work like bookkeeping and accounting. I explained to Ricardo that he goes to various businesses, counts their profits or income, goes to the bank, and then also pays the employees.

Ricardo responded, "So, he goes places, takes their money, and gives it back to them?"

Yup, basically.

Lost in Translation

A small group of students and I were talking about different pronunciations of words. For example, you say potato, I say potoato. You get the picture.

I brought up how my fiance and I had had a disagreement about the pronunciation of the word "coupon". I told my student Ricardo, a precious Mexican boy, that my fiance says "Q-pon" and I say "coooo-pon". I asked Ricardo, "Who is right? How do you say it?"

Without hesitation, he replied, "Los cupones."

Young Love

This post is from a friend of mine who is currently substitute teaching. He was teaching a second grade class, and on his lunch break, shared lunch with another substitute teacher who was a friend of his.

After lunch, Ty, a young chubby black boy in his second grade class asked my friend, "Mr. M., Is Miss G your girlfriend?"

"No man, she's not."

"Alright, well if you don't want her, can I have her? She is fine!"

Inferences

This past week, our reading lesson focused on making inferences. For those of you who haven't been in a fifth grade reading class lately, making inferences is all about using clues from your reading to come to a conclusion about the reading. For example, if you read that the main character is carrying an umbrella, then you can infer that it is raining.

In class, we read a story about a little girl named Mary. In the story, Mary loses her most precious possession, her dog. She cries and cries over the dog.

The students were given a worksheet that said, "What can you infer about how Mary feels in the story? How do you know?"

Julio is a very short Hispanic boy who has so much energy that his body literally vibrates at all times. Not the type of student who is going to be thrilled about the idea of making inferences. His answer on the worksheet:

"She was said. I readed the story."

I don't know what I should review first....making inferences or correctly using the past tense.

Eggscellent

One of my students, Andrew, was sitting by my desk reading the Guiness Book of World Records. Mario was standing at my desk getting help on an assignment.

Andrew: "Miss H., did you know that the ostrich egg is the largest egg in the world? It weighs four pounds!"

Miss H: "Huh, I wonder if it tastes good?"

Mario, in a completed horrified tone and thick Hispanic accent : "You would eat an ostrich?!?"

Miss H.: "Well, maybe. It's an egg, just like the eggs people eat for breakfast."

Mario: "What if my mom laid an egg? Would you eat my brother or sister?"

Candle in the Wind

I teach in a very high poverty area, and sometimes I forget that my students' living circumstances greatly affect their perspectives of the world. This week, one of our vocabulary words was "flickered" so I asked students a question to help them with their understanding of this word.

I said, "Have your parents ever had a candle burning in the house and someone opens a door, and you see the flame flicker from the wind?"

Mario yelled out, "Yeah! I seen that with my momma's cigarette lighter!"

We might need to review some history....

Eric: "Miss H., how old are you?"

Me: "23."

Eric: "So you were alive during the Civil War?"

Jingle Pills

A young man in my class came to my desk with a big smile on his face and said, "Miss H., have you heard this song from the commercial? I have it stuck in my head today." He began to sing, "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday...."

I immediately recognized the song as a popular jingle for a birth control pill. I was flustered at being serenaded with this song by a ten year old boy, so I was unsure how to react.

He excitedly asked, "I love that song! Do you think I can take some of that medicine?"

Oh my, my, my.

Spelling Bee

"Miss H., how do you spell Christmas?" Ten seconds later.... "Miss H., how do you spell Thanksgiving?" Fifteen seconds later.... "Miss H., how do you spell Halloween?"

I must have shown some exasperation on my face because Brian, the spelling interrogator, said, "Miss H., you must get tired of having to spell things all the time. That's what you get for being a teacher."

Mi Culpa

Mario had been absent for several days, so when he came to school this morning, I asked if he was feeling better. He responded, "Oh, I haven't been sick. My grandma had a heart attack." My jaw dropped, and I gave him a hug. I told him how sorry I was and I asked when the funeral was going to be.

A look of pure horror flashed across his face as he exclaimed, "She's not dead! She's just in the hospital!"

Whoops.

Hollywood

Today, I was discussing my recent engagement with the biggest troublemaker in the fifth grade, Jaqueem. I showed him how men ask women to be their wives by getting down on one knee and explained to him that one day, he would do the same thing. His response:

"Nah, Miss H. I am gonna be a Hollwood playa like Ray Jay."

Advice

I experienced a life-changing event this past weekend, so I was elated to share the news with my class and hear their reactions. I gave my students clues, such as, "He got down on one knee," and "We are going to have a celebration." After they realized I am engaged, they peppered me with questions and suggestions. My favorite one was how to spend my honeymoon:

"Y'all should go to the waterpark. That place is tight."

Definitely within the budget.

King of the Wild Frontier

I asked my students to write a letter to an American hero. Pedro, an adorable boy with a devilish smile, wrote his letter to Davey Crockett:

"Dear Davey Crockett,
Why do you wear a dead raccoon on your head? Does its dead raccoon skin stick to your head? If not, that is still descosting (disgusting)."

Classic Literature

Lawrence is a black Napoleon Dynamite. He never makes eye contact, or even lifts his head, and walks as if every muscle in his body is tensed. During a reading lesson, I was explaining the homework for the night. Each student was to read something of his or her choice, and then write a response to their reading. Each student needed to write his or her favorite part and a question about what they read:

Lawrence: "Miss H, I do not like to read."

Miss H: "Well, Lawrence you can read anything you want. What are you interested in?"

Lawrence: "I am not interested in anything."

Miss H: "Alright, Lawrence. Just read something....a magazine, a cereal box, a newspaper article, anything."

The next day, this is what Lawrence's homework read:

Title: The Cereal Box

1) My favorite part was the crossword puzzle on the back.

2) My question is why are there so many numbers on the cereal box?

Well, at least he did his homework.

Picture Day

My alarm did not go off on Picture Day. I woke up ten minutes before students start walking into my classroom. After throwing on wrinkled clothes, swallowing some mouthwash, and speeding the whole way to school, I was obviously disheveled. Mario, one of my most frequent flyers to the principal's office, walked up to my desk:

"Ummm, Miss H, are you going to touch up your makeup? We don't want you looking all 'morning-ish' for the picture." Appreciate it, Mario.